I think most people turn to drugs, drinking and sex as an escape or as an attempt to alter the way they process their experiences.
But to turn to education, spirituality or research, one is trying to promote clarity. No provisions for denial. That is my ultimate goal, true clarity. No sedatives, no hallucinogens, no dizziness, no blurry vision, no guilt, no more wondering “Am I thinking about this logically? Free from persuaders?

I want a clean experience. I want to feel all my emotions as raw as they come.

Is money stopping you from living your dreams? Money can be acquired in exchange for work.

Is a hand holding you back?
Bite it and get away.
Don’t let anything stop you.

Our raft broke in two, we began drifting apart.

I knew you were weak from the war, so I held out my arm for you to grab. But when you finally gained strength to raise your hand, mine gave out and fell.

We are now separate, both feeling the guilt of weakness.

I’ve had a few people liking me, during my time here on earth.                         You know, there were a few people who thought I was cute and dare I say, appealing. And out of those people, there was a small percentage of them that I thought was cute and appealing in return. But even though I thought them to be somewhat “attractive” and “appealing”, I knew that inside there would HAVE to be at least 4 loose screws in their brain because regular people do not find me attractive.

And I feel so empowered saying that, because their is actually a great percentage of people out there who can’t even see that about themselves, much less admit it. I mean I can be truly honest with myself and others about this.

Truth is, I can be used as a tool for the FBI. You know like they could show a suspect my Facebook pictures and ask them “What do you think? Feel randy? She’s pretty hot, right?” If they answer yes or get aroused in ANY shape or form.

Lock them up.

Because you got yourself a pedophile or a dangerous sex addict or somebody who hates themselves so much its criminal. ITS. THAT. ACCURATE. I don’t make the rules, can’t change them either, same as I can’t make myself more appealing than I already am.

And I’m cool with that. Not everybody’s sex appeal makes sense.

Some people have the inconvenience of having to sift through butt loads of pedophiles, sex addicts, horny mofos, freaks, sex offenders and the worse of them all,

THE DESPERATE,

just to find a safe weirdo they can fondle.

It’s a hard life.

Whenever I get a legit chance, I always let people know that I find myself between the lines of ugly and unattractive. Like I’m a little too cute to be straight up fugly, but too close to unattractive to be cute.

Just call me ugly for short.

I let people know this because I’m tired of the high pitched encouragement “Your not that… ugly.” or the patronizing “You’ll find a great guy, who will be handsome and love you… someday.”

I NEED REALITY, NOT LIES, PEOPLE.

Your helping no one.

I wasn’t always ugly, I started out as most kids of Asian decent did, Adoptably-Cute! But I must have gotten ugly around 9 though, because that’s when all the hugs and kisses stopped.

At first I didn’t know how to deal with it, I found myself at 11 trying to wear frilly dresses, pigtails, playing with kindergartners and adding cute ‘w’ sounds to words. You know trying to win back peoples affections.

It was tragic.

I did that until I was 15, so I guess that was my first official psychotic break. But anyway, I came to true terms with my ugliness around 16-17, that lead into my second psychotic break and then the healing began…

So you see why I feel so great to be able to be able to say aloud to people that I’m unattractive, because years ago that would have landed me in the shower, sobbing and sliding down the wall. Which ironically, made me look even more disgusting.